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Funny Pages: I'm Not Saying Justin Tucker Is An Alien, But...


Do you ever think to yourself that it's pretty strange how immensely talented Justin Tucker is? Here's a guy who can act, sing opera in a bunch of languages and kick a football further than any other human on the planet. We sure are lucky to have that man on our roster. 

... but how sure are you that Justin Tucker is a man? Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, there's another reason he's so special? 

Hear me out.

Nobody knows for sure where Justin Tucker was born, or who his family is, or what school he went to IF he even went to school. Two weeks ago, NFL kickers set a record for most missed extra points in a single week, with a whopping 12 misses. Not Tucker. Never Tucker. Why do you think he's able to kick the ball so far and so accurately? Here's a thought: maybe it's because he's used to kicking space rocks on a planet with much heavier gravity. 

Look, I've been heavily researching this theory for the better part of sixteen minutes, and I'm completely sold. I can sense that you don't believe me, which is why I have my ace in the hole. I googled "Justin Tucker Alien" and I found a link that will bust this whole case wide open: Alien Hub Profile Page. AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT'S NOT THE JUSTIN TUCKER?

Kick long and prosper, Mr. Tucker. 


(History Channel / Alien... guy?)

If you're somehow still reading, I've also prepared a few GIFs for you this week. There was a lot to love about our win against the Bengals, so here are some of my favorite things, regurgitated as memes: !

(Warner Bros / The Replacements / CBS) !

(Universal Pictures / Liar Liar) !

(Geico) !

(Paramount Pictures / Transformers) !

(Paramount Pictures / Mean Girls) !

(Marvel / Captain America)

See you next week!

  • Ben
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