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Funny Pages: Baltimore Ravens, Fixer Upper Edition

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CHIP: C'mon babe, we're meeting the Petersons today.

*JOANNA: *Oh! I've been so excited to meet them. They're newlyweds who are just getting into football. I'd love to find them a team that has an empty bandwagon, and turn them into a Super Bowl champion.

CHIP: I know just the team. They're a scrappy group in Baltimore. They're a little banged up, but if we put in the work, we could have something special there.

JOANNA: Let's get to it!

(HGTV / Fixer Upper)

[CLARA PETERSON'S PHONE RINGS. SHE PICKS IT UP]

*CLARA: *Hey there Chip, how's it going?

CHIP: Hey Clara! Everything's great. I know I showed you a lot of teams today, so I wanted to see how you're feeling.

CLARA: Well, funny you should mention that, Derrick and I were just chatting, and we're gonna take the Baltimore Ravens. 

CHIP: You're kidding! That was so fast. Y'all just set a new record.

CLARA: Chip, when you know, you know! We thought the Ravens had the best foundation. There's a lot of character in that locker room, and I think their best days are ahead of them.

*CHIP: *I'm loving this. Sounds like I better get to work. Demo Day can't come fast enough.

[DEMO DAY]

[LOCATION: JOANNA'S OFFICE]

*JOANNA: *I have some great news. Chip and I were able to shore up the offensive-line for slightly less than we anticipated, so we have a little extra money for improvements. I have a few options: 

(HGTV / Fixer Upper)

DERRICK: Ho boy! The pass rush is important, but I'd love to find the money to buy all three of those (nervous laughter)

*CLARA: *I guess you could cut back on delivery food like I asked.

*DERRICK: *(nervous laughter intensifies)

CLARA: I'm serious, Derrick. It's getting out of control.

[DERRICK takes a sip of water, coughs, and spills on his shirt...which ended up being a welcome distraction for Derrick, even though that was his favorite shirt.]

[CLARA covers her face with her hand]

JOANNA: Ok! We'll  – uhh – figure something out. Just give us until the end of the bye week to get everything settled. 

[SEVERAL WEEKS LATER]

(HGTV / Fixer Upper)* *
DERRICK: This is incredible!

CHIP: We knew you wanted a swarming defense, so we really put an emphasis on that with your team. 

CLARA: It's beautiful! 

JOANNA: You already have three shutouts, but we left you six games in case you want to add a few more. 

*DERRICK: *Thank you both for everything. I can't wait for Monday Night.

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