Funny Pages: If This Is Boring, Bring It On


Ravens football is back, baby. 

I am no longer a picky fan. I'll take any win we can get: blowouts, heart attacks, leg interceptions, comebacks, shutouts, it really doesn't matter, as long as we win. Shortly after our staunch 13-7 win against the Bills, a friend of mine (Bears fan) called to complain about how boring our game was. I was so happy. BORING is a word that fantasy football players use when a real life football game is won with defense.

The 2000 Ravens were boring. The first half of our 2012 Super Bowl game was "boring," until the lights went out and the score got more exciting. I've missed boring football so much, and now it's back in Baltimore. I'll take any win we can get, but if you ask what my preference is, I hope we have the blandest, slow-drip, water and oatmeal season in the history of the franchise. 

Good businesses aren't built by flashy salesmen and catchy jingles, they're built by Gary in accounting.  !

  • (Warner Bros. / The Lego Movie)* ! ! !

Just thinking out loud here, has everyone else noticed that we're super low on player nicknames? I feel like we used to have a bunch. Here's a working list that I've drawn up. Feel free to add your own, I'm clearly not a genius or anything.

  • Matt Judon ---> Sizzlet
  • Eric Weddle ---> Hair-ic
  • Breshad Perriman ---> Scaryman / PerriMonster
  • Mike Wallace --> ATC (after the catch) <-- not my best
  • Ronnie Stanley --> Stopley? 

...yeah this probably should've ended at Sizzlet. I hear you. !

  • (Paramount / Hercules)* ! !
  • (NBC / Seinfeld)* !

(Comedy Central / Chappelle's Show)

That's all for now. Let's show Cleveland how dangerous a boring team can be. Have a great week everyone! 

  • Ben
This article has been reproduced in a new format and may be missing content or contain faulty links. Please use the Contact Us link in our site footer to report an issue.

Related Content