I'd like to dedicate this week's broken meme circus to local hero and possible dolphin, Michael Phelps. I don't know why I'm still surprised by his ability to swim in a pool; he breaks world records every four years. Still, his gold medal count is big enough to legally drink, and that awards me bragging rights when I haven't done anything worth boasting about.
"I just got into med school!"
"Yeah, well... Michael Phelps is from Baltimore."
Congrats on being the most decorated Olympian in the history of mankind, Michael. raises glass of pool water These memes are for you.
Some things to watch out for in Preseason Game #1:
- Tavon Young taking everyone's lunch money
- Gratuitous shots of Joe Flacco laughing on the sideline
- Panthers running backs being dismantled by Kamalei Correa, who happens to be an actual dementor
- Justin Tucker attempting a 65-plus yard field goal
- Announcers pausing significantly longer to verify names of players after they make tackles
At the end of the day, we're all very, very excited to watch the Ravens play on TV again. That said, preseason is understandably much harder to get excited about than regular-season games. That's why I've made a few commercials to help boost your enthusiasm. Please enjoy:
Thanks for reading (watching?) See you next week!