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Funny Pages: Awaken to a Defensive Resurgence


Awakens, Jon Snow style

Hey everyone!

I'm writing you from the supermassive black hole that is the offseason. Hopefully you're not too busy drinking mimosas, feeding mosquitos, and discovering mid-afternoon back sweat* *... because we have a lot to catch up on. So much has changed since the last time you accidentally clicked on one of my articles. Most notably, we have a whole new crop of rookies that have been added to the mix! 

There aren't many things I love more than watching the draft. It's so refreshing, after months of YouTube-highlight dumpster diving, to be so utterly wrong about everything I think I know about the team and the players we like. It's a truly humbling experience. I always think about our roster like a grocery list — "We need a little WR ... maybe some fresh OT ... oh, and let's grab some new LB while we're here!" — but our front office plays it more like Supermarket Sweep. BIG TICKET ITEMS, BABY.

The experts said this was the best defensive draft in a decade. We apparently agreed. I have a lot of confidence in these guys, and not just because they all have Slytherin last names (Wormley, Bowser, Humphrey). How could that not translate into great defensive production? 

Everything about the offseason has pointed towards a defensive resurgence, which is hilarious considering we were ALREADY one of the NFL's best defenses. I haven't said this in a long time, but... I can't wait to see QBs try to throw on this secondary. 

I see you, Tony Jefferson.

OK, less words, more GIFs: !
(FOX / The Simpsons) 

(Namco / Pac Man)

(Nintendo / Mario Kart)

(Miramax / Rounders)

As you slink back into the offseason, you'll undoubtedly come across a pointless discussion about football with a friend or some rando on the internet. Once you've sufficiently dropped some knowledge on them, I thought you might want a GIF to add as an exclamation point. Use wisely, my friends! 


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